Being able to see in neon lights is essential to being able to find the guy with the biggest checkbook. Buy a neon light for your bedroom as it will take a few weeks of getting your corneas burned for your eyes to work properly in the club.

You need to mark your territory so that no other stripper tries to get money from your guy. The other upside of this is you'll get repeat business the following night because your guy will get busted by their girlfriend and ensure the only naked women touching him anytime soon is you.

The stripper perfume of choice is Hypnotic Poison followed by Iconic Angel. Hose yourself down with either of these and you'll be able to mark the entire club.

Note for strip club patrons: The best defense against getting busted by your girlfriend is making a stop at the gas station on the way home, and getting a little gasoline on your hands. That will cut the stripper smell, and she'll be none the wiser (assuming you can get the glitter off).

The other strippers you work with are both your biggest competition as well as your best referrals. When a guy has a big enough bank roll he'll needs two women, and you need to make sure the other girls like you enough to pull you into the cash-flowing mix.

Most guys at a strip club don't know the touch of an unpaid woman. These guy's clan is likely doing a raid in WoW right now. Yet they are at the club, and if you want to get paid, you have to act like they're Bret Michaels when he still had hair.

Most strippers have so much makeup plastered on that it takes nightly sandblasting to remove. After buying catholic schoolgirl outfits, makeup is your 2nd highest expense. Don't forget glitter, because you need to shine brighter than the neon.

Pole work will make or break your tips that night. A great performance, and you'll have to buy a bigger g-string....but nothing blows a night of tip making than a faceplant while doing an inverted swing.

While you do need the assortment of naughty versions of every professions uniform, a strong G-string that will hold lots of bills is essential. Nothing will ruin a nights pull than a G-String that can't handle any more George Washingtons.

To really make some money at stripping, you must either make the weekend stripper flight to Vegas, or else you must do some porns and become a headliner. Either way, you're going to need to pack your leopard print and the furry stilettos cause you'll be traveling.

Being able to give a good lapdance does not happen just because you're hot and naked. You need practice...and who better than one of your boyfriends...or if you see me at a bar.

Note: Do not tell your boyfriend that you are practicing in order to become a stripper, cause he'll likely boot your ass, and then who's going pay for your boob job?

Guys love Buge Hoobs, and if you want to make real tips, you need to go under the knife.